I was Wrong

This doesn’t happen often; today I have to admit I was wrong. Yes, getting things wrong is an all too frequent occurrence. Admitting it, on the other, is a very rare occasion.

 Last week, in this blog, I made the point that technology has gotten in the way of person to person contact. As part of that essay I talked about the social websites like My Space and Facebook and argued they only gave us the illusion that we are in keeping in touch; “It’s like we’ve figured out how to talk without really communicating.”

Truth is I made that observation based on second hand knowledge. You see, even though many friends encouraged me to sign up, I’ve resisted. To me there is something about a man in his mid thirties trolling one of those sites that’s kind of….you know… creepy.

So, after last week’s essay, really more to the fact after friends started accusing me of being a hypocrite, I broke down and became a member.

I started with one of my best friends here in town. Her selection didn’t make much sense. The two of us talk on the phone several times a day. What was I going to say to her online that I couldn’t say to her in conversation? I still haven’t answered that question but she was the first.

Michele was next. She’s one of my closest friends although we haven’t seen each other in years. For a while now she’s been telling me about Arthur. She goes on and on about this wonderful man who captured her heart. And now suddenly, thanks to technology, I can see him. He’s featured in many of the pictures on her website. The two really do make a cute couple.

My attention was suddenly diverted to the right had side of the computer. Out of no where a picture of Gretchen popped up. She was smiling at me under the headline “People You May Know.” Well, of course I know Gretchen. With a simple drag and a click of the mouse, the two of us had become friends again.

Nell popped up next, then Avery, then Monica, then Sue. It was like the computer was magically putting together a maze of my past. One by one I was being reunited with people from high school, college and in all the cities and states I’ve called home during my career. Even though these were very good friends, and people who still hold a special place in my heart, it was like time and distance had relegated them to playing just a cameo, the role of an extra- someone who was in one scene but not the next.

 Until this week, in my mind, these people were exactly the way I left them. They weren’t allowed to grow up or to age. Some where stuck in their teenage years, others were still attending fraternity parties. And they all still look good. No one had receding hairlines or faces that were covered by wrinkles.

In a way keeping them in the past was nice. It allowed me to hold on to my youth. And yet it’s really impossible for your own life to move on until you allow others to grow.

And so they have.

Lanier has done very well for herself. In my mind she is still an intern learning the ropes. In reality she is now a press secretary for a United States Senator. Her Facebook page is filled with pictures of the rich and famous.

 Todd is now a family man. Who would have thought? I wonder if he’s going to teach his kids the same lesson he once taught me in high school; the proper way to knock down a mail box with your car. The two of us exchanged notes and relived that story, along with a number of other stupid stunts we pulled. It’s amazing we graduated without ever being arrested.

The online exchange with Melissa lead to a long phone conversation. She was a good friend in college. She is now the mother of two. Her oldest son is autistic. It was clear by the way she talked that the diagnosis has been a blessing. It’s provided her life with a certain purpose. She now volunteers as an advocate and helps other parents make sure their autistic children get the proper care and attention. Had I not found Melissa I would have lost the inspiration of what her life has become.

It’s good, really good to hear that Jim is doing well. He’s the only colleague of my mine in Louisiana whose home was destroyed in Hurricane Katrina. When I left the state, a few months after the storm, his family was still living in a motel. This will sound horrible but sadly it’s true, in the past three years I haven’t given much thought on how things were going for him. This week I did. “They are finally back to normal.” He told me in a note written on Friday. In my absence Jim has managed to rebuild a home and also his entire life.

Oh I realize the truth about these websites. Yes they can reconnect you with people but only to a point. Just because one locates some old friends doesn’t mean that those people will reclaim a starring role. And that’s okay.  Indeed it’s how it’s supposed to be. You see keeping in touch cannot be about reliving the past. Instead it’s about making sure that the people we once- and still do- care about, don’t totally fade to black.

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